McAslan goes to Therapy, as in Not.

OK, working with my new phone and bluetooth keyboard, and it's working pretty well. I'm psyched. I am a techie nerd, yay!!!

Anywho, J called me today and we talked for 2 horas.  and now I'm high or, more accurately, I am about to be high, swallowed about 2 hours ago.  I was watching "Kermit Goes to Therapy" by Tre Melvin and it made me think of Gina, and how I sent her the video and that she didn't freak out and probably got the joke.  So I am the full fledged tea spilling pain in the ass, yep. 

I am the full fledged tea spilling pain in the ass
The grrl looking at you from under furrowed thick brows
Just begging you to make a move so I can strike back, and give you some sass.
so i can move my body in anger and fucking LASH OUT
i am the boxer
the puncher
the kicker

The hunter

soccer
playa

The lova 
the movement
the joy
in
screaming hey yaaaaaa!

and i want to learn how to do that daily
in a dignified helpful way
not be yanked out of time and thrown into the cauldron
yeah i win, i ball, i beat, but I break.

And it hurts.
i want to move my body with angry purpose on PURPOSE
catch a storm in a bottle
using the flaming spark to pound
????
what?
That's the question now
I am alone, know one around, so why so angry, why so much frown?
because the fire lives in the cells, the mitochondria remember.
and you get your energy from a flaming-fire-gutted-beast.  The Balrog, the Bandersnatch, The Jabberwock my son, Thats you. 

But Yew, too. STRONG.
You are a fire breather, fire eater.
You are warm and cosy, toasty
feeling grounded and at home,
while others are boiling and blistering alive.
Unable to survive on the heat you thrive on, Diamond.
Leo the Lion Lady.
That is you.

What I have to remember is that the only tea I need to be spilling is my own.
And lord, I am dumping that vat over
Tannins staining my skin as I swim through my anger
to fight, fight, fight, for what, the win?
If I were born 200 years ago, I'd be dead by now,
Or a smartass dowager countess, who doesn't even know weekends exist,
Because i am unaware of a work week.
If I were born 4000 years in the future, my soul would be in the net, my struggle song justa bunch of ones and zeroes, a computer log.

so FUCK expectations
FUCK "WHAT'S RIGHt"
I go left, go left tonight.

I am an angry broody bitchy chick.  With strong shoulders and legs that can kick. And the point is, I feel left out.  You wanna hang out?  I need more people on my lonely side of town,