I'm an addict in love with her shrink

So, it's almost a complete week since I last posted here.

And I'm going to admit myself to detox/rehab tomorrow.  I waited until I could tie up all my loose ends- my cat's care, my classes, and most importantly, my job.  So, I told my boss on Thursday that I was going to substance abuse treatment for the next 3 weeks.  Which is a lie, because it's only 2 weeks.  But i can't seem to utter a word without it being a lie, so who gives a fuck.

My boss (Tod) (seemed to be) extremely understanding, and told me about how this is the right time to do this before I got licensed and things could really go bad. And I told him how the Jerrod thing really scared the shit out of me.  Jerrod was fired for coke after he had already been through our company's paid rehab.  I don't want that to be me.

So yeah, now I am a total fuck up.  And I am drinking tonight to fulfill that definition.  If only my shrink would follow through with me tonight, I could definitely complete the total picture.

Maybe I should try to find his apartment tonight and show up.  What would he do?

He would have no idea because somehow he missed that training during his M.D. training.  Yeah, right.  But that's what he said.

So, I am trashed right now.  Wish I wasn't but I am.  So now I'm going to ride my bike to his apartment and see what happens.

Am I going to do this? I'm not sure yet.  I'm going to change first, then maybe get back to you.

I am tired, and I sorta stalked. And I def worked out.

I'm back from riding my bike.  I went to 93rd ave and 43rd st.  Far.  I made 2 detours.  One at F's apt complex, and one at the gas station to fill my tires.

No luck at the apt complex.  I only did one loop then left once I realized what a goddamn freak I was being.  So F, if you ever read this, I still have no idea where you live.

I'm tired.  And sweaty. I probably rode 20 miles.  Going to take a shower, fall asleep and wake up in time to go out with Dara.  Maybe we'll do something physical tonight.  It's the second date; is that time for kissing?  I forgot the rules.

G'night.

I'm drunk, and I'm gonna ride.

Wow.  It's much later now. But, I've been re-reading my posts and re-feeling my feelings.  I'm still all hepped up, so I will still be riding.

I'm almost tempted to send this blog to F, if only to give him an idea of how detrimental his laissez-faire manner of speaking/therapy can be to one of his patients.  He has turned one tough-ass chick into a wilting flower.  And damn if I'm not pissed-off about that. So, f* you F.

OK, seriously, it's time to ride, I've got hiccups.  Which is not normal for me.  Bye.!!!!!!!!

I'm going to ride my bike until I forget about him. Or have a coronary.

I'm off to ride my bike. I can't calm down, and I don't want to get more drunk and wind up with a hammer headache, so I'm gonna ride.  I'll ride on the prairie. Safe and pretty. Safer to my soul as well.

Bye.