Last fear

Th last time i knew fear was right here
Atanding on the lit up stage
Lit up myself full of slurring rage
After pounding pounding the anonymous paper page

I finally screamed my truth painful & proud
Finally ready, I thought, to live life out loud

Then i went an did it
i d i ded it
Red-pilled flight
High as a kite
Every.  Fucking.  Night.
Aggro psychotic rage, from stage to bar I fought screamed fight
Pounding on doorways that werent mine
To kill the goblins
to pry
The dirt from their child eating talons

To everyone else I was an unpleasant blight
On my red-pilled pyschotic kite ride
To myself I was Liam Neeson in Taken
Gigolo Jo in AI
Saving children
Please dont ask how or why
Unless you are ready to have lived my life
And all my deep friends, ran.
I continued on with no help in sight

So alone i finally said fuck it
My inner eve found the apple and plucked it
Red-pilled out, high as a kite
Late late at deadpool night
No friends no family
I finally realized
I was free
Free of judgement and judgmental ties tht bind
My truth my creativity

So so alone
Late late at deadpool night
Red-pilled out, high as a kite
I said lets do this
I started the public electronic pages
Entered the Facebook & Twitterverses
Shared my real identity, Lion rages
As an engineer artist with
Dissociative Identity Disorder
D. I. D
What is that?  Im not here right now to teach.
Right now Yr probably richer than me,
use your screens,
lazy.
Google is amazing
I have dissociative. Identity. Disorder.
Ah the freedom of no fear, of coming clean
Physicist freely walking into the unsafe time machine
Like--- to Dr Manhattan
Anomys to Alice In Mcaslan
Rip myself apart down to my neurons
Recollecting the girl my unnoticed brilliant little brother called
Brainiac from the planet smartron
You may have seen my blue ghost in Gainesvilles alleyways
As i was rebuilding a soul deformed by multiple shames

After plunging down the drug rabbithole on purpose
Loving and encouraging my psychosis
for 9 months this time
As a scientist i dont groove to coincidence
But for 9 months I survived the space in between
Just enough time to be reborn
Now something different,
now something all together more

Heyhey, all of me all of me all of me is spitting ready,
Better leave now, cow-ards if this is getting too heady

Because im a bitch im a bitch im a bitch and im back
STONE COLD SOBER AS A MATTER OF FACT
I was raised Upstairs, used the sneer, the cold frown
Then my minds wounds appeared and I learned to live down
At 15 I was at boarding school, on sailboats and yachts
Now in no-razor, no-shoelace mental health hospitals and detox

Yeah im a bitch...
And im back
Stone cold sober as a matter of fact
I fucking put my backpack on and got me there myself
No help
You suppossed understanding bohemian artist fucks
You acted as narcisistic whelps
Preaching radical liberal compassion on the lit stage
Then when the crowds go down you run  from someone elses pain.

You trespassed me, put me in handcuffs
Now Im back: Ayla, Scout, & Ponyboy Tuff

Yeah Im a bitch im a bitch im a bitch
And Im back
And either way im Hitting your stage
Even if i have to push through the cracks
and even as you snort, swallow & blaze
I fucking stay
stone cold sober as a matter of fact