This is me. If i were Ed Sheeran.

This video is what DXM feels like ro me.   And I love it, but I can do it without it. That is the point.  MANANA, rehab, seedling restart.  All the voices in my mind... are ready to SING!!

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DK4Udv9qgOWU&ved=0CB4QyCkwAGoVChMIn_v8qYvJxwIVwpQeCh0kOgzl&usg=AFQjCNGa3WEkdN-2JHs15RhAZonDHDhENw

McAslan goes to Therapy, as in Not.

OK, working with my new phone and bluetooth keyboard, and it's working pretty well. I'm psyched. I am a techie nerd, yay!!!

Anywho, J called me today and we talked for 2 horas.  and now I'm high or, more accurately, I am about to be high, swallowed about 2 hours ago.  I was watching "Kermit Goes to Therapy" by Tre Melvin and it made me think of Gina, and how I sent her the video and that she didn't freak out and probably got the joke.  So I am the full fledged tea spilling pain in the ass, yep. 

I am the full fledged tea spilling pain in the ass
The grrl looking at you from under furrowed thick brows
Just begging you to make a move so I can strike back, and give you some sass.
so i can move my body in anger and fucking LASH OUT
i am the boxer
the puncher
the kicker

The hunter

soccer
playa

The lova 
the movement
the joy
in
screaming hey yaaaaaa!

and i want to learn how to do that daily
in a dignified helpful way
not be yanked out of time and thrown into the cauldron
yeah i win, i ball, i beat, but I break.

And it hurts.
i want to move my body with angry purpose on PURPOSE
catch a storm in a bottle
using the flaming spark to pound
????
what?
That's the question now
I am alone, know one around, so why so angry, why so much frown?
because the fire lives in the cells, the mitochondria remember.
and you get your energy from a flaming-fire-gutted-beast.  The Balrog, the Bandersnatch, The Jabberwock my son, Thats you. 

But Yew, too. STRONG.
You are a fire breather, fire eater.
You are warm and cosy, toasty
feeling grounded and at home,
while others are boiling and blistering alive.
Unable to survive on the heat you thrive on, Diamond.
Leo the Lion Lady.
That is you.

What I have to remember is that the only tea I need to be spilling is my own.
And lord, I am dumping that vat over
Tannins staining my skin as I swim through my anger
to fight, fight, fight, for what, the win?
If I were born 200 years ago, I'd be dead by now,
Or a smartass dowager countess, who doesn't even know weekends exist,
Because i am unaware of a work week.
If I were born 4000 years in the future, my soul would be in the net, my struggle song justa bunch of ones and zeroes, a computer log.

so FUCK expectations
FUCK "WHAT'S RIGHt"
I go left, go left tonight.

I am an angry broody bitchy chick.  With strong shoulders and legs that can kick. And the point is, I feel left out.  You wanna hang out?  I need more people on my lonely side of town,

Native Narnia

Fuck this sit, sit, sitting all the time
Watching the dayz slip, slip, slipping by blue in the shine
Of my LED, LCD Black Mirror screens
Dr Know U kno U R mine
But what about OFFLINE?

Fuck. This. Shit.
Cleaning OUT my closets
This is my Irish Blarney, Hah!
My razor tongue flicking open those WarDrobe doors
Because I am a Native of Narnia!
~
~
I sit alone at home. 
I so late and binge watch and
learn a priori
From Bridget Jones Diary,
And from inside I hear a query:
"Is she She-Me? and "R we Missus, Missus, Missus Jones?"
And then the same small voice asks again
"And Mark Darcy is he He-Me?"
Oh my hun, my kin
You know it!
You knew it
Already
I am he and she
Thou and Thee
We

Watching from the corners in a dunce cap
Soon to be a top hat
Un-spied and huge eyed. 
Taking insults in and still listenin
Standing up straight every time
Chin and fists high
Looking F I N E,  fine
I am INTJ, never learned to play
But this cat can Cheshire Smile by the mile.
Just imagine being raised by Lewis, Carrol, King and Wilde

And You All are always eating up my charm
While I am bleeding from the arms
And all you ever seem to See is a hunting BLIND.

A bright BOND Girl, a beautiful BLONDE Girl
Well fuck no, No Soy Su Hija, no mas.
No mas, no Mass, Nevermore.
Ze Raven hath spoken
Rapunzel has cut her golden
chains, her golden
LOCKS
I don't need them no more
I climb Up and Down
on all 4s
AH, NOW you FINALLY see the JOCK girl,
The BONG Girl. 

(My brother Finnick Oh'Dare already knew, Golden fire on the flick of his wrist)
Do you finally see my President Snow White skin?
He is my father, the butcher still not done with the slaughter.
I bleed for him every night in my bed in my head.
Peeta, will you stay with me? 
PTSD

I've been told I am so pale I glow in the dark
A ghost freckled with sunburns and scars
I finally own my own skin-
now my canvas for the stars.

My own name is claimed. Just try to break it. 
Here is my heart, just try and stake it.
You can't expire a fucking mongrel vampire
We bleed on!
Unstaunched.
I can't wait until somebody finally sees me.
I AM LAUNCHED.

Nicole Kidman is my Other(s)Mother
And Coraline has disappeared...
But Wybie Wyborn and the Black Cat are still here.

What to do, with lips so blue, and a smile made of black thread?
"Feed Your Head"
"Feed Your Head"
The dormouse said
But ReePaCheep said "Fuck It" and
Brought his sword instead.

"I CAN SEE THE STARS FROM AMERICA... I wonder can you see them too?"
(https://youtu.be/nkqVm5aiC28)

My dead lips pry open and croak, cloak and cry, high
I hear a UK redhead play, and this mogul-mongrel prays to him
Plays to Ed Sheeran

"Startalk to Artwalk, Once Upon a Time"
"The Butcher's Daughter," Lucy
Lied and Died Again and Again
And nyet, nein!
Not Le Petite Mort
These deaths are Grand Mal every line,

Death on a Walgreens dime.

Took the Red Pills of DXM chasing Poe's Green Fairy
Morpheus said it work be scary.
Right he was, Wow
And Lu Lu Lucy Somehow
BeeCame the BeeCharmer in Absentia,
Rawking Dementia
On the search for my elusive Absinthe brother.

Blinded by Rimbaud's Total Eclipse
I'm staying away from Verlaine
Chomping on the Horse's Sugar Cube
Nothing sweet can stay
I say
To my PonyGirlz
Go find yr PonyBoy, your Go-go Gadget Bro
I am Tony Stark's Sister dressed in Gold.
MC Aslan not as foretold
But by holy whoring
wholly self sold.

Oh noes, here come the Blue and Red fight lights...
Uh oh, it's da Po Po
And ReePaCheep booked a fight night
With a mouth bigger than my body
Bad Bois, Bad Grrlz watt u gonna do?
Watt u gonna do
When the thought police are coming for you?

Engineer Allison going to Haile after chatting my tale last Highday night?

Oh, fuck no, that's not right :)
Sorry, I meant to say

MC Aslan went to jail after chasing my tail
Last Friday Night

This is The Real World
This is the true story
Of  strangers created to live and love in my head.
A Dissociative Blood and Life Story
Masqued by the DXM Red Death

Fuck. This. Shit.
Cleaning OUT my closets
This is my Irish Blarney, Hah!
My razor tongue flicking open those WarDrobe doors
Because I am a Native of Narnia!
:-)

#Narnia  #Lucy  #Aslan  #CSLewis #ThroughTheWardrobe
#BridgetJonesDiary  #BridgetJones  #MrDarcy  #FitzwilliamDarcy  #MarkDarcy  #PrideandPrejudice  #JaneAusten
#EdSheeran  #TheFaultInOurStars  #MCAslan=#TheDeadRabbitsSon+#TheButchersDaughter 
#GangsofNewYork  #GangsofNEWYOU
#Coraline  #Wybie  #Wyborn  #Gaiman 
#BeeCharmer  #FriedGreenTomatoes  #FannieFlag 
#RedDeath  #Poe 
#LucyMovie  #CPH4

Hey, got a new keyboard!

OMG, So excited just acquired a Zagg wireless keyboard, and it is working great!

And by acquired, I know what I mean, lol.  Walmart is a great discount store.

Now I can type without swyping and correcting the spelling of every other word. 

Super awesomeness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Easter Egg Hunts

My lyrics are a big bunch
of Easter Egg hunts
I am the White Rabbit
but I don't wear sexy sexist bunny ears
I don't attach and wiggle a cotton ball tail
Oh, no, I FIRESTART so hot you sweat tears
Wet and Wilde wearing top hat and tails
In mi profesore glasses
smart and such
Yeah, I'm MC Aslan looking at my watch
but I am not late,
Wizard McKellan exactly where and when I mean to be
A feline MC
I'm on time, I'm on rhyme
The female Gandalf, yep, on the beat.
Yep, period, yep, period, yep, period,
Yep.
Get it yet?
I'm hiding eggs

Red tents where I hatch my schemes
And yep, I take it from all teams
But no little brood here, I am latex clean
Born a chick but not Chicken Little.
The sky is not falling, I AM
molting and molten
A fucking Phoenix Peacock
I am John, Jane and Sherlock

Blue and pink turnt to wow
Grrl to boi to "who the fuck now?"
Yeah, that's one way to get reknown
Throwing shade as I pass out
Face plant, grass stained frown

But I Get Up
Get on Up
Get Up
Get on Up
Learnt from my go-go mother
Dancing me on her hip
Putting baby down to James Brown

Yep I've lost, I've slid, I've slipped
But, I I I LIVED
I met and defeated IT, Derry's King Clown
Hashtag: Put a pounding down
Rotting lying sewer scum is where my genes come from
Cut family off, listen to the silence hum

Hunting seasons begun for a reason
Rapunzel has shaved, is clueless but clear
What to do? No fear.
Look for meaning among our roots, my dear

Diamonds on the soles of my shoes Thats one way to lose these walking blues
Learnt listening to Paul Simon's cues
I got my "physics voice" wailin
Learnt from Ellie Arroway through Carl Sagan
Got my pride jumpstarted by riotgrrls who took no shit
Ani, Tracy, Dolly,
Bitch I'm Madonna to Hedwig

Moshing with the good old boys, split my lip
Headlining now I bleed while I spit
Mic bloody, write bloody
Music, Fiction, Physics and
Poetry,
you saved me.
I Am A Rock, you can't hurt me
But now an island lonely

So put a mic on me
Im ailin, im illin,
I need Contact
I'm not fuckin chillin
I am alone to my bones
Needing some rabble rouser voices
To help me get home.

I am a boi Queen, a grrl King
Screaming my bling
Flinging priceless mings
The FIRESTARTER
So much heat I got my whole life to rise up upon
On the soles of my shoes di i i iamonds
Phoenix use the currents from the blaze to
Fly away
Like the waves you see on the black highway
Undulating and unclear?
No dear
Hot and clearing
Searing
A spicy broth
Drink it up
To heal and
Come
home

What home?
My bro and yo never had a home
If home means safety
If home means hugs
If home means body
If home means trust
We never had a home.

So sorry to be pouring the tea
But not really
How u like easter now?
That tea is hitting, pow
Better hit up Tre Melvin
See if he needs a grip or somethin
Bee Cuz, Cuz, u gotta get one,
A Grip
You are a motherless child
Your whole life- Jason Bourne
Even though all you saw was hatred and porn
You have had to teach yourself love
Your Self love
Your Self live

Love Your Self
Live Your Selves

Te quiero? No
Me quiero. Now.
Ahora, mi chica
Not later
For later you will be dead
For realz, not just in the head or in the feels.
Suicide is painless, but getting there is torture
And each day you climb steadily Closer
Throw the Gilbert ring,
the false-face bling into
Mount Doom
Don't throw you!

Singing Samwise BoiGrrl King!
You outshone The Shining
Now lets live and sequel that bitch
Get to writing!

Got a cold? Watch Victor Victoria and Write!

So, got a massive head cold, maybe the flu.  And that's sort of good because it is slowing down my self-sabotage and drug/alcohol use.  I have been on a Reign of Terror (Tara Rain) for quite a while and have now gotten myself almost to zero.

Actually I am less than zero.

Here's the new Poem I'm working on.  Called The Hospital:  The First Visit to Underland

The First Visit to Underland

The first time I went to the hospital never happened

At least according to my mother

I was thirty four.  

I was never there. 

I was never up all night the night before, 

panicking, believing

that the electricity in the walls could read my mind

and the listeners were NOT kind...

that the people on TV were dead and puppets

that the colors red and blue were nations of thought

that the red was bad, the blue was good

And I didn't crawl on the floor of my apartment, screaming

looking through the cat door at the policemans shoes

my eye through the opening like Alice

Refusing to open the human door, 

because The Man's shoe leather was cheap and scuffed,

so I COULDN'T believe their shiny badges.

I didn't know this then, but I had been trained to spot a ringer at a mile early on

Use my charming smile like a gun and Run, or 

FIGHT.  

Never give in, never.

You have a little brother, and he can't walk, can't even talk yet, yet, yet.

So you have to wait until you're bigger

Until then You are a slave

Save yourself, save your brother, SAVE

You have to be BRAVE.  You have to Wait in the Cut.  Yes, yes, yes.

Cut them with your razor teeth. CUT. Cut, cut, cut.

"We should have killed them all", said my little one with the SAND 

But I didn't know that then, in real time, not before.

that's probably when the screaming began

Alice had always been standing guard in her pinafore

Arms strapped behind her back

with a bloody knife in her handcuffed hand

Didn't know about my Underland.

I wasn't tackled to the ground raving when they finally broke in

(I had neglected to lock the human door

thought i was safe in my cheshire cat position)

I wasn't slapped in cuffs, a 250 pound man-knee in my back.

RED and BLUE lights, Red and Blue lights, Red and Blue lights.  

Strobe Swirl Strobe Swirl across my aching eyes

An affront to the early morning sunlight, 

My mind breaking dawn

As the neighbors came out to lawn watch

the insanity spawn 

The outer din mimicking my inner spin

My REVOLUTION.

I wasn't shoved and stuffed into the back of a black and white, 

Terrified

To be delivered to the doors of the place I never went

and went there for a week.

The North wing I think, the bad one.

A whole new Vista in Gainesville for me

I didn't see a man growl like a dog and lift his leg to pee

on the floor.

I didn't see another continually

Take his shirt off and dance a suggestive dance 

to the orderlies

I didn't stay up all night because I was so scared of being in such a place

Where folx had lost their human faces

And the staff were just poorly paid mercenaries

Far from helping, just fools

Nurse ratchet tools

I didn't wait until the dead of night to cry in the shower. 

All of my false bourgeoisie  

power 

washing down the drain with my tears

My parent's fame gone, thank god.

Goodbye, Engineer

So long

So long in the corner of the dirty tiled floor naked, until the water turned cold

I shook and I did not understand.  

This visit that never happened

Covered up with my mother-lawyers gab of glib

This was to be just the first hospital visit that never happened

Frozen I did not understand

This was just the first

Just the First 

Visit to Underland.

Bad night? Or bad life?

I am having yet another really feeling all alone kind of night.  stood up to people cutting on transgenders online and got called a c***. And then not one person in the thread stood up for me.  I don't know what else I I'm supposed to do. I know that whatever I'm doing is wrong.  I'm so unhappy.

O! M! G! I want to fuck you like an animal. Snape!

Snape Hermione Closer.

Amanda Palmer - Bigger On The Inside

A Treatise on the similar aspects of Dissociation and Super Glue

That title gives me a chuckle.  Anyway.  I"m high, and tried to fix a stick on light that I had "stuck on" my door a few weeks ago, but unstuck itself.  Meaning when I came home the other day, the light was on the ground, not on the door, giving nice, safe illumination of my lock.

So, being the tinkerer I am, I tried to fix it now, wihile high on DXM, which was fun, then frustrating, then angry making, and now as I reflect, it is fucking hilarious:).  My typing suckx because I have fing super glue on th4e tips of all o =f my fingers.  Thus: the dissociation   connection:

As I was trying to pull apart then stick together all these plastic parts, the glue strated drying and my fingers became part of the project.  I was ensconceed in super glue at the fingertip level.  And I was worried because I was high, that I might hurt myself.  I wish I could draw a picture lol.  I'm sitting at the table, eyes not able to focus, with little white plastic parts slathered in super glue intertwined in my fingertips, and i realize, i'm all glued together.  Fun.   So, huh.  OK, go slow, cause we don't want to rip our skin, so I go slow, and am worried that the drugs or the super glue are not leeting me feel the pain because it doesn't hurt.  And I slowly pull apart m y fingers and plastic bits.  I'm gonna go back and fix it after this, damnit!  But wow, I got all sepaerated without hurting myself.  But now, instead of acrylic nails, I have acrylic fingers.  I feel like a proto-robo-cop writing this now, my fingertips literally are clacking on the keyboard, they are so hard from the casing of superglue.  I love my dorky ass, engineer, drug stupid self :)

W O W

This was stuck in draft mode, was suppossed to be published 8/19/13



ok, so just stream of consciousness going here.  what have we done?  we have taken in a probably? dissociative boy and done dxm with him twice and have had sex with him twice and he basically lives at our house now.  o m g.  and i think i love him.  i don't even know him.  i am so full of shit wtf am i dooooooooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggg?

oddly, i feel incredibly calm because i am still high on dxm.  so, for the past few months, obvio,usly, we've been using dxm, doing our own therapy, watching art and learning to accept ourselves, all while fairly maintaining? a life.  at least a job of 4 hours a week? hah hah hah ah ahhhahhhhahhah  and we make it to therapy every time. and we do good shit.   But we are dissociative as fuck.  Many, many fucking compartments.  Here comes the capitalizer, who's that? Fuck Offf.  Okey dkey.

anyway.  ok, so on wednesday, we went to walgreens per usual to pick up dxm, before I went in i was sitting in the car on my phone and saw two dudes, bros, ya, walk through the parking lot and I thought, huh, they are up to something.  Not bad per se , just something. No  biggie, just a notice.  Then I got off the phone went in, and went to my favorite aisle, and there are two young grungy guys with an empty cart looking both oddly happy and perplexed in front of the cough syrup aisle.  So.  So.  So. I hear them say they  aren't sure what to get, and the dark haired one looks at me and says something like "You look like you might be able to help us."

And I'm like... um.  Yes.  So Science Brain comes out and asks, "You're looking for DXM, right?"  Just like that, cool as a fucking cucumber, as if it is totally normal to be talking about my deepest darkest secret in the bright white flourescent daylight of the cough medicine aisle of walgreens.  Damn.

"YeAH!"

I point at the stuff, the pure dxm without the guenefisin and other shit.  and say something like"That's the stuff."

They look at me, still slightly nonplussed, but excited.  We are all speaking the same language here, and it's fun to fucking do it in public.  Fuck you, The Man.

I look at what they have in their hands and it's Coricidin Cold and Cough.  And I know I've read about triple C's, but I also know I read to stay away from any extra crap/meds if you can and take only dxm.  And the Coricidin has at least Guanefesin in it, and probably acetometophin and other shit you don't need and will fucking kill you and your liver, whichever dies first. I say to them, "You can't take that stuff.  That stuff has poison in it, it will kill your liver."  There are two of them, dark hair and blue eyes.  it's like a rocket or a flare goes off in blue eyes eyes.  I literally see it flash in his eyes.  I say, have you been on erowid?  blue eyes says, yeah!  dark hair assents.  but it's blue eyes who knows.  I say, they say it on there, you have to take the stuff with only dxm, no other meds, otherwise you will poison yourself with the extras.  I point again at the pure walgreens knock of cough pills- "those are the ones."  I grab two for myself, but they somehow don't' notice in their newfound knowledge excitement.  i ask, "do you live around here?" to both of them, but dark hair answers, he's the one in charge.  "oh, yeah, i live over there a few blocks."  I say, "Cool, I live the other direction, toward Wilton Manors."  code.  it's all code.  i'm feeling them out.  they are feeling me out. are we gonna play?  i guess i fold because i just walk away toward the ice cream aisle.

i fake browse for a few seconds, trying to get my spinning brain to calm down.  did that just happen?  did i just talk about dxm in public with two strangers in front of some middle aged woman browsing for an ankle brace?  wtf just happened?  i'm still reeling and dark hair comes to me in the bright white freezer aisle and asks me, hey, "we should get your number?"  and i fucking give it to them.  i give them my real goddamn number.  and dark hair calls my phone which i had left in the car, because i had planned to only be in walgreens for a second.

this is amazing.  amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg.  i never open up to people.  never.  especially not two drugged out boys looking to get fucked up at the local walgreens.  wearing dirty t shirts and cargo pants.  with beautiful blue eyes.  what the fuck was i thinking?  i stayed in numb mode, because i was pretty sure if i started feeling i would want to punch myself in the face.  so i down the dxm and do a mild trip, and TEXT THEM TWICE while high appropriately, just to check in.  I was gonna see if they were going to ask me to join, but i wasn't sure, and if they did i didn't know what i would say, but thankfully they didn't.  we just swapped mg amounts and went on our merry way. 

There is a problem

Okay, a lot of stuff to write on here.  I am high on dxm and benadryl, and I have double thought myself into quite a knot.  Threr is a problem with Gina and Jeanette.  and me.  and that may be one of the reasons I've been so wonky lateley.  A boundary violation while we were at IOP Gina was seeing Jeanette privately.  And no one ever talked about it.  it was a secret.  and that is a problem.  and i think i am going to have to call gina out on it. 

but, i am high, so we will let it marinateed a little longer ( ala Kissing Jessica Stein).   But I think this may have been one of the slivers of glass in my foot for a lng time. 

I also want to not the similarities in outward affect and behavior of socio/psychopaths and someon with DID.  Both are chamelions, but one is a chamelion because they are scared and one is doing it on purpose.  Or can it be both?  Basiclly, the question is , whci was my mother? 

dr bill was a faker.  he didnt have to be, but thats what he chose to do.  please dont let Gina be a faker.  Well, even if she is, I learned a lot forom her.  But I see Narcissim creeping up with the twitter feed shit.  Not good.  Not Good.  Fabebook and titter are about "pay attention to me!" sometimes.  I know it cn also be about getting the wsorkd out and stuff., but seems narcissistic to be posting shit that is just feel good platitudes.  You can get that anywheree, but you are drawing attentiuon to yourself.  look at me.  not good. not good at all.   also, shes banding us together as "butterflies" and thats not good either.  no secret societies.  no.  alumni, yes, society no.  Whew, that felt good to get off my chest.  Now, how do I go about fixing this.  ????????  I meditatie on it all this weekend.  And you tell Jeanette that you love rher, but you have to work some stuff out and it is nothing personal, but you need more time.  And you are sad about India Arie, cause you would like to go, but you cant.  And we will revist this decision whe we are sober.  But wejust had to get this down. 

Buddy Movie

Its like a buddy road trip movie, except that the buddy is me and we only travel in our head.  bur otherwise its excellent!!!!!!  So basically that mean to viewer on the outsidfe::   Crazy heavy freckled grirl laughing and taking to herself as she lays in a hammock in the bright orange sunlight.  And alsoo crazy freckled gril doing stuff with herse3fl like a schzo, but I am not schizo I am dissociative. :)

Happy

I am completely and utterly dissocaied now.  and I dont care, wich is coool.  so I am letting this go out as it is.   because this is the truth.   the truth is messy and gross and incorect grammaticallly.   I am watching Girls and I am very happy about the seond season.   They are telling the truth about class and fame and whoring and the lines that blur between them.  I love it. love it. love it.  i am so fcking out of it right now that ovviouadsly i cant type for shit.  but i am safe.  i am in my pretty apt with green grass and sunlight and a hammock.   Safe.  And we paid the rent and made sure there was enough money in the account for the check to clear even though it wont cleear for like a week and a half.  He always takes forever to cash the check.  but that is cool, becuasue the point is when you write the check, you have the money. DONE. via GABRIEL.

Also we own the internet at this place now.  Whooot!!!!!!!!!! We fucking rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We did the thing Nancy does on Weeds.  We did what Jessa does on Girls.  We just took what was ours and were fari about it and 1YATTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.  And fuck them if they try to fuck with us. Chesire Grin

some new rules?

ok, so we are trying to figure out how to dissociate when we are not high.  So we've heard that we have to have an hour of alone naked time in the house to run and scream around  per day.  Ok.   Will do, although there was a quyeasy feeling in my stomach just then , but I think its ok.  be in the sunlight more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okeydokey.  sunlight more.  alone.  we need alone sunlight time.  Is the hammock safe enough? No, because of the fucking neighbors.  fich.  well we'll work on that.  laying in the grass.  not the hammock.   ok

gabriel is gay. he likes boys.  we just figured that out.  victoria likes girls. problem.   not a huge problem, but a funny one.  i say.  who is i?

snyder park was a safe place. we need to go there i guess. no place else workds.  ok.  done..once a day? thats a lot.  Yeah, vut what the fuck else are we doing? serisously?  Yeah, I gueass you're right.

tired, movies.  yessssssssssssssssssssssssss.