What a long strange trip it's been (and is continuing to be)

So, it's been 3 months.  90 freaking days.  Of sobriety.  Wow.

And I am dying inside right now, not doing well mentally.  Or spiritually, for whatever that means.

Update:
I went into detox on November 2.  I spent 12 or so days there, then went to inpatient substance abuse treatment for a month in  a town so small they don't even have a Starbucks.  I met the most amazing counselor there, and he probably saved my life.  I need to call him, I've forgotten to do it lately.  I said that I was going to call him once a week.  Bad me .

So, after rehab I came home.  Alone in my apartment I was going crazy.  I needed more help.  So I wound up going to an inpatient PTSD treatment hospital for 3 weeks.  I just got out of there and am staying in a half-way house to do the outpatient portion of  the PTSD program, as it's not in my town, where I am still paying rent.  Double rent, gotta love it.

This program I'm in helps women with trauma get over themselves.  I guess it helped me.  But maybe not.  I don't know.  All I know is that I feel like cutting the shit out of myself right now.  I skipped the IOP today.

I haven't been on this blog since November, and realize I never really updated the F story.  I'll do that later.  There's been an even more interesting twist that I created.  I am a drama queen.  Not really.  But I do like to make things interesting when I'm in the mood.

More later.