So F (my doctor that I want to fuck). I have called him twice in the last week for valid scheduling type issues, but feel like a total stalker. He's out of town and will now have two voicemails from me.
Maybe I am a stalker who's keeping it in check. I looked him up online to check out his professional stats (I swear), and his personal address and phone number came up. Did I mention this before?
Jesus F, get a clue. Make yourself unlisted. Now I have to force myself from driving by. I'm pretty sure I did mention this before, but I was fucking wasted at the time.
So yeah, Sunday night I wrote on Just Answer to Ralph, who has previously answered 2 of my questions about F. I told him I was cutting myself and freaking out, and all he told me to do was go to the hospital. No caring, nothing. Then two days later he had the admin people email me about paying him. Fucker. He does not want me to pay him, because then I can leave feedback, and it will be negative.
He helped a little with the F situation. Sheeit, I keep wanting to write his (my doctor's) real name by mistake. My bf has a lovely little nickname for him too, and that keeps popping into my head as well.
Got to be careful about that.
Still loving the F. Wanting to do the deed. Don't know what else to say. Trying to look hot for him, not eating much, working out and tanning (cream) like crazy. Want to be tan and fit for my man. Who is not my man and probably thinks I am a scary nutcase. And he's right.
Why can't I not think about him. Fuck my brain.
I don't like my bf. Is that terrible? I don't even know he's my bf, we've only been hanging a couple of weeks. But I don't know what else to call him. I really don't like him, but am continuing on with him because he is helping me get counseling somewhere else.
I scared the shit out of him on Monday. I truly did not mean to, and feel very sorry about it. More about that later.
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